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Four, Three, Two, One. by ~Salline666:iconSalline666:



Four of us sat, Three of us know
Two are guilty, One was a foe.

We used to not talk, but then we grew close
Then further away, he hated me most.
After a while, things were alright,
We were just friends, we never did fight.

But then a kiss was shared whilst under his spell
'Twas a secret, but to my friend, I did tell.
A drink he did make to lure me in
If I think back I believe it was gin.

'Twas a cold night, so held me, he did,
'Till our lips met, my face, I then hid.
He told me to hush, but never I would
He gave me more gin, I hushed like I should.

This seems so harmless but woe, it was not,
His love he'd betrayed, then I was forgot.
Acting as normal, nothing had changed,
Was I the victim, was he deranged?

Then all four together, as if trapped in time,
We all sat as friends, I found it sublime.
Three could tell, but none of us would
We all just pretended, and hushed like we should.
©2008-2009 ~Salline666
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Submitted: May 20, 2008
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Author's Comments

A personal experience I needed to get out.
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Comments


I like the rhythm of the poem

I like it :)

The one thing I like to add in your poem is that I think it would make sense that the line should be

"Four of us sat, Three of us KNEW"

instead of

"Four of us sat, Three of us know"

Because you are talking in past tense right? And it would uninterrupt the rhythm

Like I said, I like it

--
:damphyr:"Science is for those who learn; Poetry, for those who know"
:damphyr: Joseph Roux?
Very beautiful. Yet sad...

--
"I'm so drunk I'm speaking with good grammar..." -Vezz: sometime around noon-ish:nieman:

Check out my website :pointr: [link] :pointl:
I can understand what you mean, it does seem a little confusing at first. What I want to be shown is that things are still the same, and it's as if I'm explaining to someone what happened.
Like when you talk to a friend and say "I think [insert name here] likes me. Well, the other day, he..." etc.
I understand now, for the poet's editorial/grammatical reasons, that I could understand what the message is you're trying to send :)

Well done :D

--
:damphyr:"Science is for those who learn; Poetry, for those who know"
:damphyr: Joseph Roux?

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